Someone Punch Me!

I hate myself for being such a bitch. I wanna punch myself.

Parents came today to celebrate my birthday with me but because they made me wait for almost 2 hours I got pissed and when they finally arrived my bitchiness striked and I kept on ignoring them. I WAS SOOOOOOO BITCHY THAT I AM DISGUSTED WITH MYSELF. I even refused to appreciate them coming all the way from home just to be with me in my birthday, even if dad is sick. PUTANG INA! I REALLY HATE MYSELF RIGHT NOW!

I didn't even say 'thank you' to them. 

I didn't even say goodbye when they left. 

I DESPISE MYSELF RIGHT NOW, I WANNA RIP OFF MY SKIN! 

I really have to be nicer next time. 

Don't worry mom and dad. I'll make it up to you...

I feel so sorry. I'm sure my conscience won't let me sleep tonight.

This is the shittiest birthday I had!

Not Confident At All

I don't get why people expect too much from me. They strongly believe in my capacity while I don't. People around me are pushing me to do this and that because according to them I am good. But why don't I find myself good enough to do such things? I seldom get satisfied with my performance, no matter how hard I try. That's why I lost confidence with myself. And, of course, I don't want to disappoint other people and myself. That's like one of my greatest fears. I'm so afraid I might fail. And I don't like people criticizing me.

...
...
...

Should I start believing in myself again?

What if I just end up disappointing myself and the people who believe in me?

I'm scared.

I'm so scared.

I'm nervous.

~Smo~

How Long Has It Been?

It's been quite a while.... I missed this little space of mine! :"> 

I miss posting about my thoughts and my feelings.

I also miss sharing some pictures I took. 

And I amiss one of the reasons why I made this blog. Hope he posts soon. Coldie!!!!!!!

~Smo~

Beach

Went to the beach last weekend and spent two nights there. Well, nothing really special and remarkable happened except for it was a total pig-out weekend. Haha. But I didn't really enjoy that getaway, I should've stayed home instead! :|


~Smo~

Picture ;)

Changed my picture for the first time in a very very long time. Yes, it's me. Trust me ;)

Crying Myself To Sleep

So that's how it feels to cry yourself to sleep huh? I don't like it. I hate it.

I cried because of my brother. HE IS AN EVIL MONSTER. I tell you. Satan made him. He is not a human being. Okay, I'll stop. You wouldn't believe me anyway.

Ever since my brother was born my life turned into hell. Never in his whole life that he treated me like his older sister. Well, he calls me 'ate' but that's it. He treats me like a dummy that he could punch, kick, slap, pinch, punch again and so on. We never ever show affection towards each other. We never hug, we never kiss, he doesn't even want me to touch him. Now tell me, is it still normal that we treat each other like that? NO. And it's not my fault. HIS. I want to be the best sister he could ever have but he won't let me to. I care about him, you know. Even if he's like that he's still my brother and I love him even though I'm embarrassed to admit it. But he hates me...... And so do I, if that's what he wants.

I can no longer endure what he's doing to me. It's just too much.

What he's doing to me is just TOO MUCH.

Do you want me to say it again???

Okay, I'll stop.

Now it's been two days since I started ignoring him. He still keeps on bugging me, hitting me and doing all the stuffs that would possibly annoy me but they're no longer effective. /evil laugh

How long am I going to ignore him? I don't know. Forever, maybe. As long as I can, I will do my best not to talk to him.

I don't care about him anymore.

I don't have a brother anymore.

~Smo~

Tired of Drama

Ayoko na ng drama. Nakakapagod! Seryoso. Nakakasawa na! 


NAPAPAGOD NA AKO........ Pero kailangan kong ilabas to.


I AM GETTING TIRED AND SICK DEALING WITH THESE PEOPLE. People who don't even understand me. People who don't even care about me. 


Yes! Sa ilang taong pamumuhay ko sa mundong to minsan ko lang talaga naramdaman na importante ako sa kanila. Minsan ko lang naramdaman na pinahahalagahan nila ang kaligayahan ko. Kung tunay mong mahal ang isang tao gagawin mo lahat para lang sumaya siya. Kahit sarili mong kasiyahan hindi mo na iisipin dahil mas gugustuhin mong nakikitang masaya ang taong mahal mo. Pero bakit ganun? Hindi yata nila ako mahal eh. 


Why can't they just be happy for me? Bakit di na lang nila ako suportahan sa kung anumang nagpapasaya sa akin? Bakit kailangan pa nila akong pigilan sa kung anumang gusto kong gawin? BAKIT? Sana intindihin na lang nila ako kasi dito ako masaya. Ito lang ang nagpapasaya sa akin ngayon, dahil kahit tong mga taong to na nakapalibot sa akin ngayon only give disappointment to me. Araw-araw na lang they always make me feel how pathetic I am. Why would they do that if they truly love me? Huh? TELL ME!!


Then they'd just tell me that they only want what's best for me... I don't think so. If that's the case, why can't they just let me be happy? WHY? I hope someone could tell me why because I just don't get it. And it makes me and my head hurt.


I am doing my best for you and yet you can't even give me a chance to live my life, to the fullest. All my life, ALL MY LIFE, I've been trying to please you and yet you don't even dare to look at what I've done and appreciate them. 


"Not because you've been in this world much longer than I am doesn't mean that you already know everything." I've been waiting for the day that I could finally say this in your face! Hindi ko na alam ang gagawin ko sa inyo. Sana man lang maglaan kayo ng panahon na kilalanin ako because I tell you, you don't know me anymore.


/sigh


All I am asking for is a little understanding.................................. 


~Smo~

Pupil

Went to see Pupil (local band) perform live!

Front act.

 

Foam party! People are wild.

Ely Buendia, vocalist/guitarist.

He seldom talks to the audience. No connection at all.

Ely's Ray Ban and phone.

Yan Yuzon, guitarist

He's the nicest!

Smoking while playing the guitar.

Dok Sergio, bassist.

  He's such a gentleman.

Wendell Garcia, drummer.

After 2-3 songs, he's already swimming in his

own sweat. Haha.

Smoking while playing the drums.

Their playlist. They sang 10 but they granted crowd's

request and sang another 2 songs. Alapaap and Prinsesa.

Hope you enjoyed the photos I took.

Lovin' life~

Smo

Goodbye February~

Thank you for being so good to me, February! I will never forget you! ;) 

I am so happy with my February! Though I was really sick during the last 2 weeks it's all nothing compared to the blessings that I've received! 

All I can say is... THANK YOU LORD! You're simply the best! ^_^

What's that blessing I'm talking about? I am not telling. Haha. It's a secret! :P

Hello there MARCH! Hope you can be as good as February, but if you wanna be better I won't stop you! :)

Lovin' life~ 

Smo

The Nerve!!

Is it still normal to hate your friends?


They're actually getting on my nerves already. And I can't even tell them what's really wrong with them. I'm sure they'd just take it negatively and start ignoring me and I'd be forever alone. I don't want that. But they're just so... ADGHJSKLSDJDGHSAGHGJSL! I don't know... They're really giving me reasons to not call them my friends anymore. Like, how could they be like that. They only remember me when they need me. See? They're so thoughtful right? Well, they're nice but that's all. They can't even be there for me when I need them. Like when I feel so down and needs someone to talk to. Gosh, they're too busy to listen to me. They're too busy that they can't even find time to sympathize to their friend who's having a hard time. There's this time when I was really down and blue that I just have to find someone to share my feelings or else I'll break down. When I was trying to make them feel that I'm sad and I need someone, they can't even notice the message of my actions. Of course, I can't just tell them "Hey, I'm sad and I need someone to talk to. Are you available?". I think it's just not necessary anymore because if you're really friends you'll feel that there is something wrong with your friend. But they didn't even bother to ask me what's wrong. Gawd! >_< And who was the one who talked to me? My secret enemy, Poop. I hate her but I just have to let everything out so I told her everything. See? Where are they when I need them the most? 


I believe that I am a good friend. A very good one, actually. I am doing everything that I can to help them. But they're just too much. They're abusing me generosity and that's just not right. I am now trying not to spoon-feed them everything when they are asking for my help because they're now being dependent on me. What the fuck is that?! I'm your friend, not your slave, not your tutor and I am definitely not Google.


My friends,


I am getting tired. Seriously. I cannot stand this anymore. I am okay with helping you guys but it's just too much already and I feel guilty for teaching you how to depend rather than be independent. You're supposed to be learning how to be independent now because you're no longer getting younger. We're all getting older, okay? And it's also unfair for me that the things that I am working hard for are gonna be used by people who can't even appreciate my efforts and who can't even be there for me. No! I won't let you use me so I am so sorry if I'm turning into someone that you don't want me to be. I hope you'd understand that I am not only doing this for myself but also for your own good. I want to teach you to stand on your own feet so that when the time comes that we're not together anymore you'll learn how to fly on your own. Trust me, you'll thank me someday for doing this. 


I learned to love you friends despite of your imperfections and shortcomings. I honestly didn't ask for friends like you but I accepted you wholeheartedly because I know that there's a reason why God gave me friends like you. But please, PLEASE. PLEASE. Open your minds and use your brains! Be more understanding and stop backstabbing me!!! I know that you're talking about me behind my back so please, stop it. And I hope you can see the things that I've been doing for you. I hope you could see and appreciate my efforts to help you. A sincere 'thank you' is enough you know. 


Love, 
A good and concerned friend

Lovin' life,

Smo~

Better Late Than Never

I AM SO BACK ;)

I haven't posted anything for a long time. It's good to be back. I just enjoyed my vacation so much that I can't find time to post something. 

First of all... BELATED MERRY CHRISTMAS AND A HAPPY NEW YEAR. Haha. I'm so late but better late than never, right?

How was your holidays?

Mine wasn't that good. It was the most boring Christmas I've ever had. /sigh When will I able to experience a fun Christmas again? It was our family tradition to go to church before Christmas eve but last time it was only me, my brother and some of our cousins who went to together, the elders attended the later mass. I had a fun new year though... I spent it on Twitter. Yes, it was really fun spending it on Twitter. Twitter even crashed when the clock striked twelve so I went out of the house and jumped up and down hoping that I'll still grow taller. LOL. We had lots of food and firecrackers. And my favorite part was the fireworks display. It never fails to capture my attention and amaze me. I was mesmerized by how beautiful those colored lights are while dancing in the dark sky of the night. BEAUTIFUL. 

So how did you spend your new year? :)

I just wish this year to be better than last year. 2011 has been so good to me that it was nearly perfect, if and only if I didn't miss the KyuSeang Fanmeet and Leader's Hi-5 Event. But it's okay. I know last year wasn't my time yet. But I'm really hopeful that this 2012 I'd get to meet even just one of them *fingers crossed*. PLEASE, LORD! 

More hopes:

~That I could give my best to everything that I'm doing and I'll be doing in the future. 

~That I may encounter persons/circumstances that could help me be a better person. 

~That I may survive every challenges that this year brings.

~That I could make at least one of my dreams come true this year.

~That I could do everything above. :P

And to sum up everything, I wish for 2012 to be my year! ;)

Lovin' life,

Smo~